I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
