Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize