waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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