God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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