If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
