I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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