All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
