Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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