apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
