I'm lost and stupid without you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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