I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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