I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
