And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
