Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
