is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
