there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
