i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Im part way to drunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
