Whod you bang
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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