Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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