Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
