I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
