Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
