I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
