He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
only you would photoshop your dick
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
