i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
