Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
