I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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