Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
