And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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