We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
