Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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