The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
