Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
