"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
