are you still at the devil's house?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
worst night to have a conscience
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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