Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
