i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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