Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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