I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
