We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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