so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were trust falling into bushes
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