Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
