dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
