I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
