it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
