Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
