If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
