I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize