Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize