So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
