if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
