So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's never too late to be topless.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
