So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
