Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
