I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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