I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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