He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
