Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
