we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
