I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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