He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
