Got a toothbrush?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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