remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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