I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
