I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
