i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
