ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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