I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
