Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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